Something “hit” us yesterday that was kind of painful.
It was one of those “How-could-we-not-have-seen-that?” moments.
It’s actually embarrassing and scary to admit, but we’re making
a new commitment to you, so we will.
Sonika & I are relationship coaches, right. We teach
honesty and transparency.
Well, what “hit” us is we have not been walking our own talk.
Ouch!
And where we haven’t been walking our talk is in
relationship with YOU!
We have not been honest and transparent with you.
We’ve been thinking we should communicate with you ONLY
when we have “real information” and “concrete tips” to share.
We’ve been thinking we shouldn’t mess that up with what’s
real and personal for us.
This is actually one of the biggest mistakes in intimate relationships!
We’ve been doing with YOU exactly what we tell people NOT to do!
We’d like to apologize for that.
Our “make-up” is to be different from this moment forth.
We commit to being honest, transparent, real and personal with you,
not just “information providers”.
For now, know that we appreciate you so much. We are grateful for people
like you who are willing to engage in this sometimes risky, and infinitely
rewarding conversation of loving relationship.
More to come….
In my last relationship, I told the gentleman what I was feeling as soon as I knew what I was feeling. This was unprecedented behavior for me with a boyfriend.
I was afraid that he would be irritated with me talking about my feelings, and he would decide to leave me because of it (especially when my feelings were irritation, confusion, or anger).
I told him that each time I explained how I felt, it seemed like I was on the edge of a high diving board; I was very scared and I didn’t know what would happen once I jumped. I told him that each time I did it, though, the situation turned out unexpectedly beautiful. I thanked him for showing me that the world doesn’t actually end when I tell the man I loved that I feel. . .pissed off, for example.
I also came to discover that what mattered more to me (since the world hadn’t, indeed, ended, and isn’t that great for all of us!) was that I’d vocalized what might have stayed stuck inside. As you mentioned in your video above, my energy wasn’t sapped because I wasn’t holding in those feelings, and that was good!